fairy skeletons.: Wherever Has OtMS Gone? (or, The Pains of Being Young)

You all must be wondering. (Or maybe I'm flattering myself and you really don't care, but you are terribly bored, so you've come to this blog of mine to try and fix that. Either way, you're reading. Heh.)

WHERE IS OtMS?

Short answer: I'm submitting it to a competition in the hopes that it might win stuff, so obviously it can't be up on the nets while I do that.

Long answer: For the next four months or so, I'll be intensively editing the first fourteen-ish (seven actually, since I cut them in half for Figment) chapters to submit the excerpt along with a synopsis of the book to the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards (http://artandwriting.org/), a national scholarship-type-thingy that has a novel division and would look pretty darn good on my college application if I won something.

I'm not entirely sure about the specifics, but I'm pretty sure national winners of the novel contest get a chance to intern at Scholastic and possibly publish their novel.

I know that one of the winners, Anna Waggener, published her novel Grim as a result. (I'm planning to go read it sometime.)

Which means that I can't have it already up somewhere because... possible publication. With a traditional publishing house.

I've been thinking a lot about this, and I feel that it's worth it, even if I do lose a lot of readers on Figment. This is one of those rare instances where a traditional publishing house will even consider a thirteen-year-old's work.

(Such are the pains of being young.)

There's your answer.

Extension of long answer (the rambling part): To be completely honest with you all - sometimes I really hate being young.

Many of my Fig-friends are at least three years older than I am, so when we talk, I'm often struck by how much I cannot relate to them.

It makes me sad.

There's a lot of constraints that come with being thirteen, I think. Most days it feels like I'm standing on the cusp of something really amazing that I know nothing about. That something must be life. And while I write to try and suppress my fears, I feel so uncertain. I'm so excited for when I'm older, for when people will take me seriously. For the time when my age won't kill my chances at achieving some of my goals. For the time when I'll think I know something about the world and I'll really know it.

But for now, there's thirteen-year-old me to think about.

There are days - so many days - when I just have to concentrate, because everything is so overwhelming. I love writing, of that I'm certain. But there are days when I can't help thinking that all these words will never get me anywhere, and that's just plain scary. I want so badly to not be terrible at writing. I want so badly to write a story that is important to people.

However, thirteen-year-olds aren't supposed to know anything of importance.

Perhaps I'm just being naive. Perhaps it really does get better as time goes on. Perhaps I do have a scrap of talent in me.

Right now, the world tells me, you're just too young. Right now you should concentrate on your grades and extracurriculars like a good girl and leave the word-writing to the brilliant ones. So I try. And I fail. There's always been a writing space in my mind and it won't just go away. But so many people are telling me I'm not ready.

They're probably right.

But what the heck, if Stephenie Meyer can get published, then one more horrible writer unleashed on the world won't hurt that much.

Will it?

And even then.

They tell me I'll keep getting better.

(Good gracious, by next year it looks like I'll have a full-fledged case of senioritis. As a freshman in high school. I'm going to be unbearable to be around. -_-)

PS: I would like to extend a heartfelt thank-you and apology to all of my wonderful, amazing, fabulous Figment readers. Your support has had me over the moon lately, and it's entirely my fault for not letting you all know sooner. Please know that it's nothing against any of you. Also, feel free to leave angry comments on either this post or my Figment wall, and I'll respond as best I can :(